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"I've seen many people refer to feminists or female activists as "angry people". "They're just angry" they'd say with the most derogatory tone ever. Many times I've caught myself countering them and arguing that people advocating for something doesn't necessarily make them "angry" people.
Lol, I wouldn't dare counter that now because of a truth, many of us, if not all of us, are angry. And we have every right to be.
I, for one, am angry. This anger wells up as more realities unfold.
When I think of the fact that I had to wear a wedding ring for the better part of my stay in UNIBEN, I get pissed beyond words. I hate to think that I had to do something I didn't want to do just because I didn't want to be harassed.
I had limited options:
Get harassed on a daily basis.
Waste my precious time and smile trying to be polite to some idiot and see if I can sweet-talk him into accepting I don't want to date him and letting me have my peace. This is draining and has 30% success rate. Imagine forcing yourself to be all nice to someone that completely disgusts you. That shit will drain every fluid in you. Failure to do so, and you become a target. Many girls have been raped just because they couldn't play nice.
The other option was to claim married with substantial evidence to back it up. I have little or no patience for forced politeness and time wasters so I chose this option. I even had to invite one to my fake wedding just to get him off my neck. I had lied that I was traditionally hitched already but that didn't put him off. It was until I invited him to my wedding with a world class act, that he let me breathe. I jejely bought a wedding ring to save myself the stress. There were days I'll get downstairs and be forced to go up again just to pick up my wedding ring. This option works most of the time because we live in a society that respects your marital status more than your personal choice or preference. What a shame!
Unfortunately this is the reality of many ladies, especially in youth dominated areas like universities. You're scared of saying no to a cultist and getting on his nerves. Even when he is not a cultist, you just have to be ready to waste your time, giving one thousand and one reasons why you said no to "his royal highness".
We've normalized these things and see it as nothing. But I know for everytime I wore that ring, for every time I had to lie that I was married even though I was single, for every time I had to smile even when all I wanted to say was "go to hell", I felt powerless. I felt like these people had some power over me and I hated it. It made me angry and I am still angry. 7 out of 10 ladies I know have had to lie at some point to get someone off their back.
It's just like you're some commodity that must be owned by someone. "If you're not taken(whatever that means) then why won't you allow me take you?" Ridiculous!
At some point in the life of almost every girl, she's been taught to be nice so that they won't hurt you. "Smile and gently convince him to leave you", "pretend", "don't run your mouth", "you could be gang raped if you're not nice". These and many more are the kind of advice we've received.
Now who advises the boys? Who tells them that you're not entitled to a girl's "yes". Who tells them nobody owes you an explanation as to why they don't want to date you. Who tells them that a girl has the right to walk out on you when you're not being reasonable. Who tells them that a girl actually has every right to choose not to listen to whatever you have to say and you should take that in good fate. Who tells them never to hurt a girl for turning you down in anyway she deems fit.Who?
If I decide to append real life stories of girls who have been hurt or killed for saying no to men that asked them out, I'll just have to dedicate a whole blog to it.
Even on Facebook messenger, someone you've never met before will ask you out and with all the politeness in you , you decline. And then he goes ahead to ask you, "do you have a boyfriend?", "Is it that you're married?", "why don't you want me?". Inukwa!!!
It's funny but not funny.
So I'm angry.
At you that raise your girl child and teach her all the manners in the world but ignore your boy child.
I'm angry at myself that I can't do much.
I'm angry at men who walk this earth with such stinking sense of entitlement.
So when we ask that you start raising boys to be better, please do.
P.S: before you come to my comments to start a thread on how all men are not like that, ask ten of the ladies in your life about this. It's not about all men, it's about the reality of many, if not all ladies, especially in youth dominated areas.
Deborah Ezeagu,
Girl child rights activist."
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